


Family is...

by OldGuardianNewTricks



Series: Life is... [2]
Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Found Family, He gets lots of love and cuddles in the end though, Joe and Nile being the best people, M/M, Mostly Nicky/Joe and Nile, Nicky gets all the hugs, Nicky has anxiety, Nicky suffers, The others will pop up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:09:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27226333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OldGuardianNewTricks/pseuds/OldGuardianNewTricks
Summary: The guilt starts to build up in him. A cold, uncomfortable thing that wriggles in him trying to break free.The cold thing grows arms which reach towards his heart.It’s winning.....This is an unexpected follow on toHome iswhich I don’t think you need to read first. Basically Nicky has always had anxiety. This story looks at it through time but also in the aftermath of Merrick. Joe loves him as he always has but now Nicky has Nile too.Panic attacks a plenty but so many cuddles too.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Series: Life is... [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1990438
Comments: 26
Kudos: 135





	1. Prologue: Before and After

In every life there are natural periods of time. Chapters in the book of life. Childhood, adolescence, first jobs, first loves, the time before and the time after.

Nicky has many chapters in his long, long life. Too many he thinks sometimes when he dwells on the past.

Before he died

And after. 

Before Yusuf- extraordinary as it seems to think of a time without the other half of his soul.

And after.

When they stopped killing each other and fell in love. A love that neither of them had known before. A love that completed them both.

And after.

When they learned that Lykon had died. That one of them could die and had died. That one of them could leave the other.

And after.

When it had been Andromache&Quynh, Yusuf&Nicolò

And after.

When they lost Quynh. When the idea of being ripped apart seemed so real, such a threat that Nicholas had to be touching Joseph constantly when in private. Had to have him in his line of sight in public just in case his love, his constant blinked out of existence and left him. Left Nicholas a broken husk of a thing.

And after.

When Sebastien joined them and Nicky had a little brother. A new kind of love for him.

And after.

When Nicky was forced to watch his soul being tortured and dying again and again on the table next to him. Because Nicky hadn’t loved his little brother enough.

And after.

When Nicky turned and walked up the stairs, aching to turn back to scream, to run at Booker, to rage at him and to hurt him. To punch and kick and bite and gouge at him

and to hold him close and never let him go.

And after.

Before Nile....

Before that glorious, fierce girl burst into their lives. Saved them, saved his soul-his Joe and his family.

And after.

When he loves Nile so much it scares him.

Is it enough love?

Is it too much love?

Joe says Nicky is his all and more.

Joe is the other half of Nicky’s soul. He’s always just needed Joe.

He misses Nile and he wants her home.

Home doesn’t feel like home without her.

The guilt starts to build up in him. A cold, uncomfortable thing that wriggles in him trying to break free.

The cold thing grows arms which reach towards his heart.

It’s winning.....


	2. The voice speaks to me with words I dread.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which my muse makes Nicky suffer. We learn more about his history with anxiety and his relationships to the others.
> 
> And in which Joe and Nile are the magnificent warm loving souls we all need.
> 
> TW-Nicky suffers a panic attack. Along with feelings of not being good enough, not feeling loved. Also vomiting is mentioned-but just the word, once.

**Before**

Nicky always knew he was a bit different to the rest of his family. For one there was “the voice”. It wasn’t as though he heard voices. Just that his inner voice was, well to put it bluntly a bit of a shit.

He was also, as his mother had put it, one of the world’s worriers. There was a feeling of dread that would awaken in the pit of his stomach and slither about making him uncomfortable and afraid. He would often list all the terrible things that could happen and then worry himself sick that they were going to happen. 

His father had said 

“That boy could ruin anything just by turning up”

The voice agreed with his father. Nicky would stand at the sidelines of gatherings-afraid that his very presence would offend people.

Before Merrick Nicky’s world was tinged with loss. He had Andy who he adored of course. But she was a fragment of herself without Quynh. The loss of Quynh was always palpable, the space she would have filled visible to them all but especially to himself. Quynh had adored him though neither Nicoló or his inner voice could understand why. She would happily sit with him playing with his hair and telling him stories of her past. Nicoló and Quynh had been close, as close as Yusef and Andromache had been. Naturally after her loss Andromache had clung to Yusuf first and foremost. Nicoló felt the loss of Quynh as a physical ache in his gut- he didn’t dare mention it though. Not even to Yusuf. The nasty little voice that itched in Nicky’s brain said 

“You don’t have the right to feel this upset, you are a fraud” 

Andy smiling at him was one of the things that pleased Nicoló most and he craved it- going out of his way to find her sweet treats. She seemed to enjoy his hugs too and he would let her melt into his arms whenever she wanted, though she didn’t want it as much as Nicoló did. After they lost Quynh it happened less and less and the cold feeling in his stomach grew a little.

He had Booker as his little brother. Nicholas loved him but there was always a distance between them that Nicholas put down to Sebastien just not liking him very much. And why would he. Joeseph and Booker got on well, like brothers were supposed to he imagined. He hadn’t had siblings in his first life so wasn’t sure what the relationship should be, not that this life of theirs was typical. So he tried to be there for Booker in his quiet way and hoped it was enough. 

“It won’t be though, will it. He doesn’t like you”

said the voice. 

And it hasn’t been enough.

And the cold feeling grew a little more. 

He’s always had Joe. Wonderful Joe. The other half of his soul and the man who holds Nicky’s heart in his gentle hands. Nicky loves him with every atom of his being and would follow him into death itself. 

Sometimes the voice tries to tell Nicky that he doesn’t deserve Joe. But Nicky already knows that so it doesn’t hurt him. Sometimes though the voice tells Nicky that Joe deserves better and that Nicky should let him go. Nicky hates that. He burrows into Joe’s arms and shuts his eyes. Trying to think

“he loves me he loves me he loves me”

Many centuries ago Yusuf had found a distressed Nicoló crying on their bed. Yusuf had been panic stricken at first, pulling Nicoló up somewhat roughly and checking him over for an injury. 

“Are you hurt, aren’t you healing? Talk to me!”

Nicoló simply shook his head and crumpled into Yusuf’s arms. Yusuf visibly relaxed after seeing that his love was not mortal but still confused as to what was happening. After Yusuf held him for hours Nicoló told him about the voice. 

Yusuf had looked thoughtful then pressed his finger lightly under his chin.

“Look at me. Look at me my all. I love you. I love you because you are the kindest and most wonderful soul I have ever met. That I could ever meet. Destiny brought us together and nothing will part us.”

“But”

“Do you think me a fool, an idiot perhaps?”

Nicoló had shaken his head violently at that- Yusuf was the wisest man he had ever met.

“Then know that I choose you beloved. I choose the man you are today and the man you will be tomorrow. The man you will be in a century from now. I choose your kindness, your heart and spirit.... and quite frankly your body” 

Nicoló had sobbed and laughed weakly and fallen asleep with Yusuf carding his fingers through his hair and whispering words of love and comfort.

Joe always wanted Nicky to tell him about the voice- about the cold feeling that would make it’s home in his stomach. And Nicky wanted to, he really wanted to but he didn’t want to hurt Joe. How could he possibly hurt him when Joe was so good to him.

So Nicky didn’t say anything. Most of the time he was ok. He could fight down the wriggling cold ball inside him and nestle in Joe’s arms. Joe radiated warmth from his eyes, his smile and his arms. Wrapped in them Nicky felt safe and warm and loved, the voice would still be there but Nicky would press his ear to Jose’s chest and concentrate on his steady heartbeat. 

Or he would distract himself with fighting to help people. That’s why he liked being their sniper. He trained himself to drown out everything apart from what he saw through his scope and his finger on the trigger. Nicky knows he’s good at fighting. Andy wouldn’t let him come if he wasn’t. He’s part of the team. Deadly, sure footed and ruthless. He looks at the survivors, the people he’s helped save and the little cold ball shrinks a little. 

There was something else though. Nicky has a secret. One that he has never admitted out loud. One that’s so shocking he has buried it deep within him. Locked behind that vicious voice in his head. Buried underneath the uncomfortable cold that slithered within his guts. 

A secret he has only admitted to himself once in the dead of night. When he was alone. Without his family, without Joe. 

A secret that when he had acknowledged it he found himself vomiting in disgust. 

“There’s something missing”

But he has immortality 

“There’s something missing- don’t you feel the shape of it”

But he has Joe. What else could there possibly be beside Joe. 

“You aren’t complete- there’s something missing” 

Wretchedly, shaken to his core and hyperventilating Nicky passed out.

**After Merrick**

The whole team is anxious and shaken. Joe is as angry as Nicky has ever seen him. A fire burning within him. He sizzles and spits. Nicky soothes him as only he can. The coldness inside him being a counterpoint to Joe’s passionate fury. Nicky hates it Joe is not made to be angry, he is not hard lines and edges like Nicky. He’s softness and love-open and kind- or should be. 

Andy is shattered. As broken as when they lost Quynh. Her mortality has shocked her. The idea that Quynh is more lost to her than ever. That Booker has betrayed them, betrayed her. She’s spiralling and Nicky doesn’t know what to do. 

Nicky just doesn’t know what to do. The ball of cold is growing. The voice in his head is pointing out all his failings. 

He doesn’t know what to do. 

Nile.

Nile is a gift. 

He is entranced by her strength. She seems to just know what to do.

She engages with Joe. She bonds with him over art and literature. She listens to his rage and calmly puts across her point of view. She engages with Andy. She talks about Quynh- asks for stories. And Andy tells her. Quynh is in the room with them. Not pushed into a corner and ignored but vibrant and pulsing. It hurts but it’s a good pain.

She takes up training with them. Nicky is terrified that Andy will get hurt. That she will, she will die. Joe is worried too but Andy wants to train. Needs to train. Nile sits Joe and  
Nicky down and explains that she was mortal until very recently. She knows how to fight, how to do this. 

And they trust her. 

Nicky thinks he would trust Nile with his life. With Joe’s. 

And with Andy’s.

So Joe and Andy and Nile bond. Nicky watches. He tries spoiling her. Making her favourite food. Even buying box cake mix because she misses making it. The smile on her face as he shyly presented it to her warmed him, right down to the cold place. 

He thinks she likes him more than Booker did. She doesn’t touch him like she hugs Joe and play fights with Andy. She watches him though, he catches her occasionally with a puzzled little look on her face. 

The nights though. That’s when Nile suffers. She has vivid nightmares about Quynh drowning and about her family, her mother and brother. About her death. About jumping from that building. 

And then she seeks out Nicky. He comes to her willingly. Wanting to hold her close. Wanting to take this pain from her- to suffer it himself 

“If she can’t cope how could you?”

The voice snarls. 

But he makes her tea and listens. And once she patted him on the shoulder as she headed back to bed. 

And he pressed his own hand to the warmth there. Until the voice pipes up

“She doesn’t want you, she just doesn’t want to disturb Joe and Andy over this”

And he pulls his hand away as if it burns, his head droops and he doesn’t see Nile looking back at him with a sad puzzled smile. He runs back to bed then. Relaxes into Joe’s embrace- lets Joe hold him tightly and pet him.

After that night Nile seems to want to hug him if she’s woken up with a nightmare. Nicky doesn’t mind. In fact he enjoys it 

“You like people to suffer like you do. You’re a terrible human” 

The voice whispers.

But, but that isn’t true he tries to think. I just want to help. 

A few days later Nile is upset as she misses home. She goes for a run and the anxiety that has been growing in Nicky overflows. When Nile comes back and says 

“Hey honey I’m h.....well I’m back”

Nicky has a full blown panic attack. He wants to give Nile and Joe a home. Wants to make it warm and bright and full of love but he can’t. That what they need and he can’t give it to them. 

Nile holds him and calls Joe. They hug him right there on the kitchen floor until he can breathe more steadily and is just crying, not wracked with sobs. 

They somehow get him to the sofa. Joe settles on his left and pulls Nicky in. He’s warm and soft and the voice in Nicky’s head is fading back. His right side feels cold. He doesn’t know why he’s doing it but he flops his arm towards Nile. There is a pause- which feels like an age to him. Then she sits down next to him, lifts his arm and snuggles against his chest. 

“Mmm- you’re really comfy Nicky.”

Joe laughs and Nicky feels it rumble through him

“Isn’t he- the best cuddler there is”

Nile moves back slightly and Nicky misses her instantly. She pops her finger under his chin and draws his face up and says

“Are you a hugger then?”

Nicky nods- a tiny little nod but it’s evidently enough to satisfy her. She falls back against him and wraps her arms around his waist. Sighing she gives him a little squeeze. 

Joe kisses his temple and rubs his back.

Nicky dozes off- safe and warm. 

Andy comes back sometime later and takes a picture of the three of them. She ruffles Nicky’s hair and says 

“You know Nile- I think he’s going to want to adopt you.”

Nicky stiffens. He’s not her father! She had a father. She’s going to be so angry. He waits for her to pull away from him in disgust. 

Nile hums-

“I can think of worse ways to spend eternity” 

And Nicky, for the first time doesn’t just feel safe and warm in Joe’s arms. He feels complete. 

The realisation floods through him. 

Nile is the piece he’s been missing. 

And he can almost ignore the little voice in the back of his head that says 

“This.

Won’t.

Last”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there we go. 
> 
> Poor Nicky- but everything will be ok now. 
> 
> Or maybe my muse wants him to suffer a little more. But he will always have his cuddles and love in the end. 
> 
> If you are staying with me on this journey I thank you.


	3. The morning after the night before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **TW** -Nicky suffers another panic attack. There’s quite a bit of detail.
> 
> Joe and Nile help him through. 
> 
> Joe is worried, Nile is magnificent. 
> 
> POV switches in this.

Sometime after Andy takes a picture of the three of them Joe wakes up. He is loathe to move but knows they will get cold and stiff if they stay on the couch. He runs his fingers through Nicky’s hair and smiles as Nicky just buries his head deeper into Joe’s shoulder. The movement wakes Nile who blinks up at Joe.

“We should move”

She looks slightly disappointed but agrees. Joe thinks for a minute then asks her to sit up. She does and he transfers Nicky to her. He grumbles a bit but she soothes him and he stills. Joe stands- and stretches clicking his joints. He then bends and hoists Nicky into his arms. Nile jumps up and goes to open the doors to the living room and the boy’s room. She’s not been in here before but it feels like them. Bits of guns spread across the clothes chest, art supplies everywhere and a seemingly endless pile of hoodies.

Nile peels back the bed cover and Joe lays Nicky down gently before clambering in himself. He pulls Nicky to him and Nile covers them both. She smiles at Joe and whispers good night, bending to kiss Nicky’s cheek.

She’s halfway to the door when she hears a tiny whimper, followed by a slight rustling.

She pauses though when she hears 

“Nile, Ni...” 

Turning back she sees that Nicky is almost awake and patting the bed beside him. He’s making a little whimpering sound again but quietly, as if even half asleep he doesn’t want to disturb them. She crosses back and looks at Joe.

“How do we play this?”

Joe frowns. His distress at seeing Nicky like this is heart wrenching.

“If it isn’t _too_ weird- would you stay? I don’t think he’ll settle. But, if you don’t want...”

Nile is under the cover before Joe can finish speaking. She wraps an arm around Nicky and kisses him on the cheek again. He rolls back to Joe and then pulls her after him. Humming contentedly when he has them both in place. 

“Thank you” 

Whispers Joe but he’s asleep before Nile can answer. Nicky is obviously gone too- his breathing deep and even, face peaceful. Nile is almost shocked by how young they both look but particularly Nicky. She can understand how alone Booker must have felt, how he could become envious of the deep love between this pair but she cannot fathom how he could betray them like that. Silently, she swears to Nicky and Joe that she will fight to protect them for the rest of her immortal life. She knows, knows it as a truth she will never question again, that these two men will surround her with love, she just needs to accept it. Smiling to herself she falls into the best night’s sleep she’s had since her death. 

Nicky wakes up slowly. He feels, rested. Like he hasn’t since, well Merrick really. He is warm and loose limbed and the little voice is silent for now. He stretches happily and then freezes. His blood starts pounding in his ears. Joe is next to him as always but, but Nile. Nile is curled on his other side. 

No, no, nonononono.

He starts remembering yesterday. Him collapsing in the kitchen. Nile having to deal with him, calling Joe and then the couch. He has flashback after flashback. 

Him grabbing at Nile.

Nile allowing him to hug her.

Nile allowing him to keep her on the couch with him.

Andy saying,

Andy saying, 

Andy saying- 

oh god, ohh god ohgodohgodohgod that he wanted to adopt her. 

And now she was here with them- what did he do last night? How much must she pity him? 

He curls in on himself- trying not to cry. Not again. Not until he can be alone. He rubs at his skin, digging his nails in, pain is good. Focus on the pain.

Nile wakes up suddenly, on alert. Something is wrong. She looks around her and remembers she’s with the boys. Nicky is next to her. Sat up, rocking slightly and digging his fingernails into his arms. 

Nile sits up quickly, at almost the exact moment Joe does. Their eyes meet. They don’t speak- they don’t need to-they nod at each other and they both surge forward at the same time and hug Nicky. 

Joe is upset by seeing Nicky like this but not surprised. His lover has been living on his nerves since Merrick. There was no way yesterday was going to clear the air. He grabs Nicky’s hands between his own and says

“No beloved, please don’t” 

He gets no response. His Nicoló is gone again. Breathing getting faster, eyes unfocused and darting everywhere. 

Joe sobs himself- Nicky can’t hear him and he just wants to stop this. 

Nile moves away from Nicky’s side- she doesn’t let go of him but kneels in front of him. She takes one of his hands from Joe and places it on her own chest-placing her other hand on Nicky’s

“Nicky”

Her voice is loud and jarring, both men react.

“I need you to breathe with me”

Nile orders but with less force.

She begins to breathe in, hold and breathe out, Nicky does it with her- Joe does it too and finds it helps still the fear building in him. 

Slowly, ever so slowly Nicky’s breathing turns to normal, his eyes start to focus on Nile.

“Good, good Nicky- that was really good”

She leans forward and rests her forehead against his for a minute. 

Nicky comes back to himself with Nile telling him he was good and rubbing his arm. Oh god he did it again. They helped him yesterday and he broke again.

“I’m....sorry”

He chokes out

“Oh Nicky, please don’t do that. You can’t help this”

cajoles Nile 

But Nicky shakes his head. 

“I’m broken”

Nile thinks she might just be sick. Nicky looks like he truly believes this. Joe looks like he’s about to cry himself and this is no good. This hurts. 

Nile takes Nicky’s chin in her hand and says 

“May I hug you”

Nicky blinks but then nods. 

Nile leans forward and wraps him up as tight as she can. 

“You are not broken, you are not weak. You  
are a good man- I love you.”

There’s more crying after that. But a lighter kind. During which Nile tells Joe she loves him too, Joe assuring Nile that he loves her. Nicky says nothing but smiles softly at her. 

When they stop- Nile tells the boys to shower and goes to her room to do the same. 

She meets them in the kitchen. There’s no sign of Andy but Nicky and Joe don’t seem worried-she comes and goes as she pleases. She gets them to sit as she fixes pancakes and coffee.They eat them quickly, Nicky holding Joe’s hand through out, exhausted and starving.

Joe clears the plates away and Nile coughs. 

“Ok boys.... we need to talk”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nile is going to help Nicky but it isn’t a magic cure. 
> 
> His anxiety is at it’s worst right now so relapses are probable- he will be ok. I love him too much for him not to be.
> 
> Yes- the Nile/Joe nod and the Nile/Nicky forehead bump are stolen from the film.
> 
> Thank you to all of you who have left me such lovely comments- I hope you enjoyed this too.


	4. More talking, less voice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our trio talk a lot, hug some more and leave the house! 
> 
> **TW** Nile dreams of Quynh. It’s not pleasant.

“Ok boys...we need to talk”

Joe nods at her

“That would be for the best.”

Nile looks at Nicky. He is sitting still, staring at the table as if he could burn holes in it with his eyes. There is however a tick in his jaw. Nile has seen that before, she’s coming to realise that this is the Nicky equivalent of a full body flinch. 

Nile places her hand, palm up, on the table in front of him. Nicky stares at it and then takes it. Interlacing their fingers. He doesn’t look at her but she knows she has his attention

“Nicky, I would like to know what happens to you. And know what you like and what you don’t. To work out how I can help, or at the very least not make it worse. I know you probably don’t trust me yet.”

Nicky’s head shoots up, almost comically fast

“I do trust you- you came back. You saved Joe, Andy and Booker.”

“And you”

“And, and me”

He adds quietly. 

“I, I am not good at talking when I feel like this. May I write it down?”

“Whatever works for you- but you don’t have to, and you certainly don’t have to do it now.”

He nods one of his tiny nods and stands

“I will do this now.” 

And with a determined look on his face he leaves the room.

Joe deflates as soon as he goes. 

Nile grabs his hand

“And how are you doing?”

Joe laughs, the first time she has heard him laugh without any warmth since they left Booker on the beach. 

“I am tired, worried but very, very glad you are here.”

Nile smiles. They sit in calm silence for a while before Joe drums his hands on his thighs and decides to make bread. Nile tidies up the living room and they finally collapse in front of some quiz show neither of them understand but both enjoy yelling increasingly absurd answers at. 

Nicky shuffles back into the room after a couple of hours. He looks pale but is holding his head up. Joe crosses to him and holds him close. Nicky wraps himself around Joe and Nile watches with a smile. They really are cute. 

Nicky shyly presents his notes to Nile and she sees six sides of extremely neat handwriting.

“Thank you- may I read it now, or would you like me to take it away?”

Nicky thinks about this- Nile can see now how he often takes time to make a decision when his anxiety level is high

“Read it now- I’ll start making lunch”

Joe follows him to the kitchen and Nile begins to read as they clank pots and pans around, whispering to each other in their own mix of languages. 

Nile can see how this took him hours to complete. It is Nicky laid bare on the pages in front of her. His childhood, snapshots from his past and details of the “unkind voice” and the panic attacks and fears that plague him.

The last side details what he likes and what he doesn’t. The writing on this page is smaller and the indents into the paper are deeper, there are a few strokes where the paper has torn. Nile suddenly pictures Nicky next door, alone and fearful, asking for things whilst not really believing he’s worthy of them. She glances at the kitchen and sees Nicky is concentrating on stirring a large pot of something, his tongue sticking out slightly. Joe is nowhere in sight. She grabs this opportunity to scrub her eyes with her sleeve. Not wanting Nicky to see her, he would undoubtedly think he’s upset her. 

The list of dislikes when he’s particularly anxious is very short, he doesn’t like being left alone, he doesn’t like being shouted at, he doesn’t like bright lights or loud noises. His likes list is even shorter, he likes being held and he likes Nile’s “breathing thing”. 

The paper concludes with

_I like hugs most of the time, giving them as well, even when I am not so broken. But, I know many people do not like it. Do not do it if you do not want to._

_Nile, I am not always like this._

_I am sorry._

She takes a deep breath and gathers the sheets together. She walks into the kitchen happy to see that Joe is now back, busy assembling a salad. She smiles at him and walks up to Nicky.

He puts his wooden spoon down and turns to fully face her, he’s shuffling again slightly but still holding his head up. Not in a defiant way- this is him bracing himself, this is him waiting for rejection. 

Nile smiles at him, the softest smile she can mange and opens her arms wide. Nicky stares for a second, then two, blinking at her. Then he practically falls into her arms and she melts into him. 

Suddenly the pair of them are lifted off their feet by a Joe who appears to be growling. A happy growl but a growl nevertheless. 

Nicky makes a weird sound- one that Nile’s not heard before and she realises with joy that he’s full on giggling. They stay like that until Nicky spots his soup starting to boil over. 

They enjoy a relaxed lunch and wash up in a comfortable silence. There is a lightness in the house that wasn’t there earlier. After they’ve cleaned up Nicky suggests a walk around a local park. They take it slowly- watching some children excitedly feeding some ducks and then stop for a hot chocolate at a small but popular cafe, there’s a mezzanine level that they have to themselves but can people watch from. 

When they get home Joe offers to train with Nile whilst Nicky goes for a nap. He assures them both that he is ok and would tell them if he needed them. 

Joe puts Nile through her paces with hand to hand combat and then he grins and produces his scimitar and Nicky’s longsword. He begins to talk her through the basics and agrees that some sort of bladed weapon would work for her

“They never run out of bullets” 

As they tidy up Joe keeps looking at her out of the corner of his eye. 

“What’s up”

It’s just”

He rubs his hand through his beard

“I’ve never seen Nicky this settled with someone so quickly, other than with Quynh. I can’t thank you enough.”

“Don’t thank me yet- I’m probably going to end up pushing him and you, not out of nastiness but he needs it- he deserves it.”

Joe wraps her into one of his hugs

“Kid”

She doesn’t fight the kid from him- not this time

“Kid, we’ve been treading water for so long- just so long and I think you might be able to get us closer to shore.”

By the time they’ve both showered and changed Nicky is reading in the lounge. He moves his legs down and Joe settles next to him. Nile immediately takes up position on the other side of Nicky- this feels right already. 

Nile flicks through the TV channels and finds one showing Toy Story, she makes big eyes at the boys and they laugh and watch it with her. 

Woody and Buzz are chasing the moving van when there is a bang at the door and Andy appears. She gives them a tense smile and wanders towards her room. Nile raises an eyebrow at Nicky but he shrugs

“She’s like this sometimes.”

Andy doesn’t appear again until Nicky produces a massive bowl of pasta along with Joe’s salad. They eat and chat about Nile’s training, Andy wholeheartedly agreeing with getting her a bladed weapon

“No rush though, you need to find the right one to suit your style and we need to work out your style first.”

“That will come through in time as we all train with you.”

Said Nicky, squeezing her hand. 

Andy washes up whilst Nile dries- Andy is deep in thought and clearly not in a mood to chat. Though is Andy ever really in a mood to just chat?

When the tidying up is done Andy heads back to her room. Nicky goes back to reading and Joe pulls out his sketchbook. Nile digs through her bag and finds her phone- the SIM card has been destroyed and everything else is disabled but she can at least retreat to her music. 

Half an hour later Andy reappears shrugging on her leather jacket.

“Don’t wait up!”

She throws over her shoulder and is gone. Nicky and Joe seem relaxed so Nile goes back to her Frank Ocean playlist. 

After she nods off twice Nicky hauls her to her feet and sends her off to bed.

It’s been such an exhausting couple of days that Nile is fast asleep almost the minute her head hits the pillow. 

No breath, just no breath and she’s drowning again, and again. Cold, so cold…”

Nile wakes up gulping for the air that Quynh can’t have. She uses the breathing technique she’d used with Nicky earlier but it takes her at least 5 minutes to settle. She can’t face the thought of trying to sleep just yet so she creeps to the kitchen to put the kettle on. The kettle hasn’t even boiled before Joe is with her yawning.

“Quynh?”

He asks

Nile nods

‘Sorry for waking you.”

“Not a problem kid”

They pour themselves a cup of chamomile tea each and sit at the kitchen table, Nile doesn’t really like chamomile tea but hugging the mug is certainly pleasant. 

‘Same dream as always”

“Exactly the same”

Says Nile and Joe gives her shoulder a squeeze.

“I’m sorry you have to go through this”

“How did Booker cope for 200 years?”

Joe looks puzzled

“Well, after the first few weeks he never mentioned them so they must have stopped.”

“But you guys said they don’t stop till we meet, and didn’t you say it used to take years to meet a new one”

Joe does a very convincing impression of a goldfish when Nile finishes speaking

“They never stopped for him did they?”

Nile shakes her head

“Doesn’t look like it”

“Why did he stop telling us?”

“I can’t answer that but from the few days I knew him it doesn’t seem as though he has the healthiest coping mechanisms”

Joe buries his head in his hands and says, albeit in a muffled voice

“We are all so screwed up”

“Yeah, but that’s changing”

“Looks like it is- told you that you’re a blessing. I wish I could help you with these nightmares.”

Nile screws her face up thinking and says

“Would you tell me about her, about Quynh. So she’s not just this horrifying nightmare.”

Joe smiles

“Quynh, Quynh was, is a pit viper in a fight and probably the funniest person I have ever met. She’s like fire you see her burning from miles away…..”

Joe tells her about the pranks Quynh had played. The way she had taken to Nicky immediately- much as Nile had. And of the passionate, fierce love between her and Andy. 

Nile is enjoying the stories but can’t stop herself yawning. 

“That’s enough for tonight, come on. I’m too old to stay up all night.”

“No you aren’t!”

“No I’m not but I am cold and I miss Nicky”

When they get back to the bedrooms he pauses 

“Do you want to be in with us?”

“Um, no thanks- but thanks for the offer”. 

Joe and Nile unsurprisingly both sleep late the next morning. By the time Nile makes it to the kitchen, followed by a yawning Joe a few minutes later Nicky is sitting at the table. There is a stack of pancakes, bagels and a pot of coffee. 

“Morning”

They are just finishing breakfast when Andy arrives back. She helps herself to coffee but refuses anything to eat. 

“I’m leaving”

“You’ve only just come in.”

Says Joe

“I’ve been talking to Copley.”

The boys and Nile share a look

“I’ve been talking to Copley”

Andy repeats

“And, I’m going to find Book”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you still here- thanks for reading. We’ve got two chapters left and then a little one shot epilogue to the series. 
> 
> To those of you who have left kudos or a lovely comment- thank you- you’ve really cheered me up!


	5. We need to talk about Booker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is more talking, more hugging and Nicky giggles-TWICE!

“And I’m going to find Book.”

Andy sounds more forceful than she actually looks.

Nile takes a deep breath and looks at the boys. Joe is nodding slowly and calmly. He’s focussed not on Andy but on Nicky.

Nicky is clenching and unclenching his hands. Eyes staring into the table again.  
Joe and Nile move to take one of his hands each. Their touches seem to bring him round.

Andy takes another long sip of coffee. Then speaks

“Thoughts. Nile?”

“I think he probably should have someone with him, but I barely knew him so I’m not voting, if there is a vote.”

Andy nods

“Joe?”

Joe takes a deep breath

“I am still deeply hurt by what he did. And by us not knowing how desperate he was. I don’t think him being alone is going to help him at all. We should find him Boss.”

“Nicky?”

Andy’s tone with Nicky is gentler

“No!”

Nicky speaks with barely concealed venom

“I am, I am so angry with him. I watched Joe die over and over again Andy. I watched them torture him, hurt him in every way they could think of and, and, and I, I couldn’t..."

His voice breaks and Joe moves towards him but Nicky throws his arm up between them

“Joe, stop, please. I know Booker only ever tolerated me. But you loved him. Boss, you loved him too.”

Nicky gulps air

“JOE LOVED HIM ANDY! AND HE BETRAYED HIM. I DO NOT WANT TO SEE HIM. I can’t. I cannot do this. Please, please don’t make me.”

He stands abruptly and runs from the room. 

Joe does not follow him.

Nile feels conflicted and clearly her face shows it. 

“Go to him.”

Says Joe

“But...”

“I agreed with Andy. Nicky will react better to you at the moment. Please Nile, he needs you” 

And that has her moving.

She finds him, surprisingly, outside her room. Eyes full of unshed tears and jaw clenched. He is rubbing his arms again.

Nile puts an arm round him and opens her door.

She settles herself against the headboard and Nicky folds himself into her sobbing quietly. She’s amazed at how small he can make himself. She doesn’t ask him questions but rubs gentle circles over his back. She starts to sing quietly, not even fully aware she’s doing it.

Eventually Nicky sits up, he re-arranges them so Nile is tucked under his arm. He can talk but not look her in the eyes.

“That’s a nice song- and yes I know I do.”

His voice is cracked and quiet but steady. Nile says

“Huh? What was I singing”

“From that toy film _‘You’ve got a friend in me’_ and I know I do.

“Oh”

“Are you disappointed in me?”

There is not a second of hesitation from Nile.

“No, no of course not!”

She pulls back

“Why would I be?”

He sniffs, and rubs his sleeve against his snotty nose 

“Eww, have a tissue.”

He takes one and makes a show of wiping his nose with it then pretends he’s going to throw it on her floor.

“You’d better not do that Nicolò Di Genova!”

He grins, the little shit actually grins at her before pocketing the tissue.

“Now why do you think I would be disappointed in you?”

The grin disappears instantly. Nicky fidgets but keeps her close. Nile knows him well enough by now to realise that he is planning out what he wants to say, what he needs to explain.

“Andy and Joe have forgiven Booker. I should, I know I should but I am so angry Nile. They gave him so much love and he betrayed them, they were hurt because of his actions.”

He pauses to take a series of deep breaths, Nile says nothing, knowing he hasn’t finished yet.

“I tried loving him. I mean I do love him- he’s my brother but I actually do love him, not because I have to. I tried to show him. But I’m not very good at it and I don’t think he ever noticed. What if I’d been better? What if I was like Joe- maybe with both of us. Instead of me being this”

He stops and points at himself.

Nile moves away from him- he tenses but relaxes again as she simply moves in front of him taking his hand.

“What do you mean by ‘this’ Nicky?”

“Broken.”

“You aren’t broken, you have anxiety and that’s shit but you aren’t broken. I think what you need and what Booker needs aren’t a million miles away from each other but it’s like you’re speaking in different languages.”

“I speak French very well, and he speaks Italian passably. We both speak English well.” 

He says somewhat indignantly.

“Yeah, yeah you’re all amazing at languages and I’m not. But I don’t think this family communicates very well. Or has healthy coping mechanisms.”

‘Maybe.”

“It’s alright for you to be angry. It’s alright for you to be upset- and Nicky, you keep saying he betrayed Andy and Joe and got them hurt. He did the same with you and you do matter...”

She pops her hand up to stop him

“...and I know you don’t believe me now. Maybe you won’t believe me for years but I will keep telling you.”

“Because you are a good person Nile” 

“Who doesn’t lie.”

Nicky hums

‘You didn’t leave me.”

“Pardon.”

“When you came in and found me having an episode, a panic attack. You didn’t leave me.”

“No, you needed me- well, you needed someone and I was there.”

“Sebastien left me. A few months after we found him I was, I was bad and Joe and Andy were out. Sebastien found me and just walked away. I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t speak to him because I couldn’t breathe. He looked so scared. I think I terrified him and he left. Joe came back a bit later and Sebastien and Andy stayed away for a couple of days.”

“He didn’t say anything to you?”

“I don’t think so. He wasn’t coping well with immortality anyway- worried about his wife and children and knowing they would die and he’d be left with me being like this forever.”

“Oh Nicky.”

There’s a knock at the door. It’s too subtle for Andy so it must be Joe. Nicky goes tense again.

“Can I let him in?”

She fully expects Nicky to nod and is somewhat taken aback when he says

“No, not now.”

Can I go and speak to him outside? Just outside the door and one word from you and I’ll come back in.”

Nicky clenches his jaw but nods.

Nile slips out of her room and shuts the door carefully behind her. Joe is rubbing his hand through his beard and looking tired.

“How’s he doing”

“He’s angry with Booker and he’s really hurting. I can’t see him changing his mind on this.” 

“Nor me either. Come through and have a chat with us.”

“I promised Nicky I’d stay here.”

Joe beams at her

“Splendid girl, ok. Booker is in Paris, Copley is finding the address and Andy is going to go to him. She wanted us all to go but Nicky won’t will he?”

“Absolutely not, so Andy goes alone?”

“No, I’m going too.”

“Without Nicky??”

“We aren’t joined at the hip you know. We can and do separate sometimes, usually not when he’s this upset but, will you stay with him?”

“Of course but is this a good idea”

“Booker needs us, Nicky needs us. Booker gets me and Andy, Nicky gets you. Now go back and tell him the plan. I’ll leave some blankets and pillows in the lounge- he’ll probably want to stay with you tonight but he’ll be fine on the couch if you don’t want him to stay.”

Nile gives him a smile and watches him head back towards Andy. She takes a deep breath and goes back into her room.

“Just me.”

She announces as Nicky looks up from rubbing his arms.

“They’ve hatched a plan, want me to tell you or do you want to speak to Joe?”

“You tell me please.”

And Nile fills him in. Nicky seems amenable to the whole plan. Nile grimaces when she tells him that Joe will be going with Andy but Nicky just nods.

“Are you ok with Joe going?”

Once again Nicky goes into thinking mode. Jaw ticking.

“I do not like it but it is the best solution. Booker needs them and I need you. We split, for now.” 

Nile laughs

“Pretty much what Joe said.”

“He is very wise, and very handsome.”

“Yes Nicky, do you want to go to him?”

“No thank you.”

They spend the afternoon watching the rest of the Toy Story films on Nile’s laptop. Nicky drifts off to sleep eventually and Nile switches over to some new action film on Netlix. It’s not that bad actually, the good guys stop to collect ammunition from the bad guys as they go along but the whole cast is full of impossibly good looking people. During the last fight scene Nicky wakes up and peers at the screen

“Terrible position for a sniper, would be totally buggered by the crosswind.”

Nile laughs.

“I’m hungry- you coming with me?”

“Ok.”

Andy and Joe aren’t in the living room when they get there but there is a note from Joe

_Gone to get supplies- back later this evening. We’ll eat out,Joe xoxo_

Nile laughs

“xoxo?”

Nicky shrugs

“He really liked Gossip Girl’.”

They make sandwiches for lunch and then Nile suggests a walk.

The park is less busy today, the ducks clearly disappointed when neither Nile nor Nicky produce food for them. They stop in the little cafe again and once more have the mezzanine to themselves.

“We should shop on the way back.”

Says Nicky

“You need to teach me how to make stuff your mother did.

Nile gapes at him

“You’d do that?”

“Of course, I’ve learnt stuff for Joe and Booker. Andy’ll eat anything though, seriously she’s a rubbish panda.”

“Do you mean trash panda?” 

“Probably.”

That evening Nile teaches Nicky to make her mother’s Mac and Cheese. And if she ever needs cheering up this is the meal he prepares for her.

They spend the evening reading and listening to music and Nicky announces he is going to bed. He gets to the door before stopping and saying

“Ohh.”

Very softly.

“It’s ok, you can crash with me if you want to.”

“Really? Because I can sleep on the couch.”

“Nicky, you don’t fit on the couch.”

“I can lie unsleeping on the couch with my feet sticking out.”

“Just go to bed Nicky.”

“Thank you Nile”

“Nicky”

“Yes?”

“If you drop tissues on my floor I will kick you all night.”

He giggles and wanders off. Nile thinks that Nicky giggling might be her new favourite sound.

Andy and Joe arrive back later with new passports, cash and a selection of small firearms. Copley has given them the address and they will set off for Paris in the morning. From what Copley says it isn’t a moment too soon- Booker is not coping well.

Joe asks about Nicky and Nile says he’s in her room.

“Are you two going to be ok?”

Joe hugs her

“Yes- I swear we will. He knows this is the right thing to do but he’s upset. It’ll be fine- and at least I can phone him these days.”

They sit up a little while longer then Joe and Nile head for bed and Andy heads for vodka. 

“Don’t get a hangover boss”

Pleads Joe.

She throws a cushion at him.

Nicky has made himself a little nest on Nile’s bed. He is fast asleep but when she clambers in he rolls over and hugs her. Like sleeping with a giant hot water bottle she thinks but she does sleep well.

She wakes feeling cold and realises that Nicky is no longer there. She goes to the living room and finds Andy drinking coffee and Nicky sitting on Joe’s lap. They are clearly going to be fine.

She heads into the kitchen

“Ok, Joe and Andy do you want pancakes or French Toast.”

They both opt for French Toast.

She turns round to find Nicky pouting at her

“Oh, I thought you were eating Joe’s face?”

He looks a bit shocked then giggles.

He opts for pancakes because

“There’s been enough French talk”.

Joe and Andy leave mid-morning. Promising to take care, promising to keep in touch. Nicky promises to carry on with Nile’s training.

The next two months pass in a blur. Nicky does not just carry on with Nile’s training he steps it up to a level that has her wanting to run away to Paris. He disappears into the attic one day and returns with a pair of long daggers. They suit Nile perfectly- he teaches her to fight with them and looks like he could burst with pride when she, just once, disarms him. He takes her out shopping for a dress that afternoon. The one she chooses has a fitted hot pink bodice and a flared skirt in deeper hue. Nicky books them into a fancy restaurant for dinner, he waits for her in the living room wearing a very fitted charcoal grey three piece suit with a tie that matches Nile’s bodice.

They speak to the others every day. It was hard going at first and it still is but it’s getting easier. Booker has agreed to see a therapist that Copley has found for him and has stopped drinking. Andy has also stopped drinking. Andy tells them during every conversation that she is not drinking.

Joe and Booker are doing well. Booker seems to have a slightly dazed expression on his face most days- he keeps looking sideways at Joe to check if he’s still there.

Booker and Nile get on very well. She’s glad she’s getting to know him, even at a distance.

Nicky is, getting there. For the first month he would hide away during the daily video call. Then he started being in the same room but not on camera. Finally coming to say hello and chatting for a few minutes.

One day Joe rings Nile.

“Nile. Booker wants to talk to Nicky. Can you check if he’d do it?”

Nicky thinks about it for almost a week. He’s tense for most of it, not speaking much and wanting to cuddle up to watch films. Twice Nile wakes to find he’s gotten into her bed overnight. He agrees eventually and the connection is made.

It’s rough. There are pauses, and shouting and crying but to be fair to them they keep trying. After three months, and several telephone calls Nicky is happy to sit in on the video calls.

Tentatively one night he mentions that he and Nile might come for a weekend visit the following month. Booker’s look of joy has Nicky reaching for Nile’s hand.

Life has a way of interfering.

The next night Nile dreams of Quynh. She wakes screaming to find Nicky stroking her head. She gasps, not able to believe what she’s seen.

Nicky’s mobile starts to ring, Joe’s photo appears on the screen as Nile chokes out

“Quynh! She’s out!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re almost there- just one more chapter to go. And an Epilogue. And that’s it brain-no more. 
> 
> Thank you for reading- I love you.


	6. The guard’s all here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess who’s back? 
> 
> Well, Quynh, and you know because I told you last time. But she is and there is a bit of angst and lots of hugs.

“Quynh! She’s out!”

_Ring_

Nicky doesn’t move. It is as though he hasn’t heard her.

The damn phone is still ringing, the noise cutting through the still of the night.

“She’s out, Nicky, Quynh’s out. I saw her!”

_Ring_

Nile reaches out and cups his face. 

Nothing.

_Ring_

“Nicky please!”

_Ring_

She leans her forehead against his and whispers

“Please Nicky, please? I don’t know what to do.”

_Ring_

With a shuddering gasp Nicky comes back to her.

_Ring_

He grabs the phone, hits answer and prods it onto speakerphone. He pulls Nile to him so she is practically in his lap.

“Pronto.”

“Nico?”

Joe’s voice is strained

“Nico, Book just dreamt that Quynh, that she’s, that she’s out.”

“Nile’s just had the same dream- can it be true?”

“We have to think it is my all. Is Nile with you?”

“Of course. What did Booker see.”

“Flashes of the coffin opening. Quynh swimming and drowning but then”

“Hands”

Says Nile

“Hands pulling her from the water.”

“We need to get to her.”

“Booker is talking with Copley, he’s searching for reports and then we move from there.”

“How’s Andy?”

Says Nile

“Frozen- she’s just not responding at all.”

“We’re coming to you Joe.”

Says Nicky

“I’ll bring supplies but we need to be together, to be ready to get to her.”

“Nico?”

“Yes Joe?”

“I love you my all.”

“I love you too my everything.”

“And Nico, please hurry.”

They hang up. Nicky hugs Nile and then leaps off the bed. For all the rush they are in Nile can’t help but wonder how this man who can be so shy and awkward can also be so damn graceful. 

She hears a bang from the boys room. When she peers in she sees that Nicky has pulled the back off their wardrobe to reveal an armoury. He’s pulling out a selection of knives, guns and a pair of brass knuckle dusters. 

“Get your go bag and bring your daggers.”

This is clinical Nicky, planning and prep.

Nile does as she’s asked and finds Nicky in the kitchen filling their water bottles. His sniper rifle, longsword and Joe’s scimitar are on the table. 

They load the car in silence. She gets in and Nicky tells her to belt up. She remembers Booker saying that they don’t die but they do hurt.

“Do you trust me?”

“Completely.”

And with that Nicky floors the rental car. She’s been with him before when he’s driven them to town or dinner. He’s driven perfectly reasonably then but now it’s like being in one of the Formula One car races that Andy likes to watch. He keeps his foot to the floor, throwing them into and out of corners. She glances at him and he smirks

“I’m the getaway driver....unless Andy gets in first.”

After an hour his phone rings and Nile answers.

“Airport- just outside Paris. Copley’s chartered a private plane. She’s in England.”

Nile repeats the info to Nicky, tells Joe they are well on the way and that they love him.

Nicky swears in Italian. Nile cannot speak Italian really but she’s picked up on some words of love from Joe and some inventive swearing from Nicky who really does have a foul mouth. She’d said that to Joe once who had waggled his eyebrows and said something about exactly what Nicky can do with his foul mouth that made Nile blush and run away. 

“Pardon?”

“Bastard England- I don’t want to go there again.”

Nile can’t help but agree. 

According to Nile’s map it should take them much longer to get to the airport than it actually does. Nicky slams his foot on the brake and the car squeals to a stop next to a plane. Joe is waiting for them, a bag at his feet but no sign of Andy. 

Joe walks over to the car as Nicky slips out as lithe as Nile has ever seen him. As Joe reaches them Nicky grabs him, twists them and slams Joe into the car with a force that must bruise. Joe doesn’t seem to care. They are pulling at each other, kissing each other as though they cannot breathe without their other half. They haven’t seen each other in person for months and they make up for it in 3 minutes. Nile waits by the trunk of the car. After the boys break apart panting Joe spots her for the first time. She’s pulled into a rib cracking hug and it hits her just how much she’s missed Joe. Clearly he’s missed her too. 

“Andy?”

Asks Nicky popping open the boot of the car

“Plane.”

Joe points behind him in case they’d missed the jet.

“Booker is with Copley running the back channels on this one.”

Nicky nods and then with his arms full he strides towards the plane. They hear him call back disappointedly

“There’s no TV Joe.”

Nile raises an eyebrow but Joe just shrugs. 

Andy is siting on the plane. She looks as tense as Nile has ever seen her. Nicky is kneeling in front of her holding her hands and speaking calmly. She jumps slightly as she sees Nile

“Tell. Me.”

She says through gritted teeth. Nile sits next to her and tells her all the details she can remember which isn’t much. Quynh was pulled from the water, she’s in a room. Quite a bare room but not a cell. She feels calm, and almost inquisitive in Nile’s head. 

Joe smiles

“That’s Quynh- wanting to know everything she could about everything.”

Andy starts to pace midway through the flight so Nile goes to sit next to Nicky and Joe. They are deep in conversation and checking and re-checking their weapons. She nearly tells Nicky off for manspreading but then realises his hands are busy and he’s spreading his legs so they are in contact with her’s and Joe’s. 

She must doze off because she wakes up just before they land. Nile doesn’t like planes very much even when Andy is not pretending to shoot the pilot. She grabs the nearest thing to her, which is Nicky’s bicep and squeezes. He says nothing but moves closer to her and tenses so she can squeeze harder. She gives him a little grimace and he pats her hand. 

They land and then stand in circle looking a bit lost. Nile was expecting action but not one of them moves. 

Suddenly Andy’s phone blares and she stares at it. Nile takes it from and answers. She puts it onto speaker phone and they hear Booker

“...hospital near London. Looks like she’s been there for a few months.

“Months?!”

And from the looks on Joe and Nicky’s faces they’ve never heard Andy squeak before either.

“That’s what the records state.”

Comes Copley’s calming warm voice.

“We’ve booked a hotel for you and hired a car. I’ll send you the details, you’ll need to book a cab to get there. You can visit her tomorrow- you’ll have to break her out though.”

“Plans of the hospital are being sent through to you as well.”

“Thanks guys.”

“Be careful mes amis.”

Says Booker and they hang up. 

Joe books the cab via a well known app and they huddle together for warmth as they wait. 

Eventually they get to the hotel. There is a room for the boys and one for Andy and Nile. Andy disappears into their room without saying a word. Nicky looks at Joe and he says

“Of course my all.”

They get the bedding from their room and make a sort of nest on the floor of Andy and Nile’s room. None of them actually sleep but they all doze a little apart from Andy who sits like a statue all night. 

The next morning they get lengthy emails from Booker detailing the hospital plans. They get info from Copley on the ward where Quynh is and visiting times. There is a maximum of two visitors per patient. They decide that Andy, of course, and Nicky should be the visitors. Joe and Nile will be ready with distractions should they be needed. 

Hospital reports state that Quynh is in good health but cannot remember who she is or what’s happened to her. Andy, Nicky and Joe look pained at this but Nile says

“Well she can’t very well tell them the truth.”

They try to eat breakfast but none of them really want it. Nile makes Nicky come shopping with her to a supermarket so that they have food for when they come back to the hotel. She lets Nicky do the food and heads off to pick up some clothes and toiletries. Nicky looks at her when she comes back arms full and beams at her

“What would we do without you?”

By the time they get back to the hotel it’s time to go. Joe drives with Andy giving directions, Nile sits in the back holding Nicky’s hand, rubbing little circles into his wrist. He feels tense but he’s calming down. 

They pull into the car park and sit in silence. Nicky’s hand clenches once around Nile’s and then he opens his door. 

“Let’s get our Quynh back.”

There is a very handy cafe in the hospital foyer where Nile and Joe head as Andy and Nicky disappear. Nile buys herself an iced coffee and Joe a hot chocolate. They sit in silence wondering what is happening. 30 minutes pass, then 40. After 52 minutes they spot Nicky sprinting towards them, he’s being chased by a security guard. He has no chance of catching him but Joe ‘accidentally’ knocks into the guard spilling hot chocolate all over him.

Joe and Nile fuss over the guard and Nicky takes off round the corner. As soon as he’s out of sight they untangle themselves and wander after him. He’s waiting in the driving seat of the rental car and as soon as they’re in he drives to the back of the hospital.

Andy is stood with her arms around a shorter woman. Nile recognises her instantly. Andy and Quynh are staring at each other, hands gently roaming as if to make sure the other is real. It’s bringing tears to Nile’s eyes and she doesn’t know Quynh yet. Joe gasps and clutches at Nicky, Nicky is crying now little hiccuping sobs that echo through the car. Joe and Nicky get out and Nile automatically does the same. Quynh screams with pleasure at seeing Joe and he has her off the floor and in his arms in an instant. They are so joyful it makes Nile feel lighter. Andy is looking like she can’t quite believe what’s happening. Nicky is bouncing slightly from foot to foot. Joe puts Quynh down and she lets Nicky enfold her in one of his hugs. She’s gentler with him than she is with Andy and Joe, she cups her hand on the back of his neck and lets him rock her. 

She pulls back, still holding his hand and looks towards Nile. The smile Nile gets is full of warmth but there’s a twinkle there too

“Sister.”

She says and beckons Nile to her. The hug should feel awkward, like the first dinner at Goussainville did. It doesn’t, it feels wonderful to see this bright woman in the light. 

“We should go.”

Says Joe

And they pile into the car. Nile driving this time with Nicky beside her and Andy, Quynh and Joe in the back. Nicky spends the journey twisting round to look at the others, they are all entwined but Nicky’s hand stays on Nile’s shoulder throughout. 

They pile into Andy’s room when they get back. Andy holds Quynh’s hand like she never intends to let go and she probably doesn’t. Joe is weeping happy tears whilst smiling and laughing and wrapping them all in hugs, clearly it doesn’t matter which one of them he gets. Nicky is smiling but starting to rub his arms again. Nile stands by him and holds his hands, she squeezes gently and he gives her a tiny smile. 

Quynh comes over and drags him to sit on the bed with her. 

“Where did your hair go?”

She complains pulling slightly on the back of his head.

“I can’t plait this!”

Nicky mumbles something at the same time that Nile says 

“Nicky had long hair!”

Quynh beams at her

“Gorgeous hair and a bit of fur on his face.”

Nile immediately drops to Nicky’s other side

“You have to grow it again.”

He looks between Nile and Quynh and then at Joe

“Hey you know I liked it.”

Nicky shrugs.

The rest of the evening is spent on hearing Quynh’s story. The coffin eventually rusted enough for her to get free and to swim/drown/swim till she was picked up by a fishing vessel. 

“Why did we dream about you drowning?”

“I was dreaming about drowning. I probably won’t ever stop dreaming of drowning.”

Nile hugs Quynh at this point. 

“Your English is really good by the way”

Quynh laughs and it’s full of mischief

“What! Like it’s hard?”

Andy doesn’t speak much that evening, she smiles and laughs and keeps her eyes on Quynh at all times. When it’s time for bed Nile grabs her stuff and asks Joe if she can bunk in with them.

Once they get into the boys room Joe goes to switch the lamps on and Nile turns to bolt the door. There is a bang behind her, she spins round to find Nicky on his knees, shoulders shaking and a hand pressed to his mouth.

She drops next to him and wraps her arms around him. He bends into her and sobs. Joe coming to hold him from the other side. Nicky whimpers and there’s the nails pressing into his hands again.

Joe and Nile grab a hand each

“Let it out Nicky, let it all out.”

Later when Joe has helped him to wash Nicky crawls into bed beside Nile and Joe gets in beside him. 

“I, should be happy. I don’t know why that happened.”

Joe sighs and kisses his temple.

Nile says

“It’s been too much Nicky, it’s all been too much and you need to vent it, let it out. Like a pressure cooker.”

He hums to himself and says

“Thank you.”

He’s asleep quickly after that having exhausted himself again. Joe reaches across and squeezes Nile’s arm.

“Thanks my sweet, sleep well.”

And she does.

Copley arranges the jet to take them back to Paris and they use the rental car to get back to the safe house. This time takes longer as Nicky drives at a more sensible speed. 

Andy and Quynh are like looking at something that is finally complete. Like a sketch has been filled out. Nile sees a side to Andy she has never seen before. Joe says it’s a side that even he and Nicky haven’t seen since Quynh was lost. 

Two days after the arrive home Quynh calls a family meeting. Nicky makes biscuits, Joe makes hot chocolate and Andy makes a hot chocolate cocktail by adding vodka. They gather around the table and Quynh says 

“Booker.”

Andy doesn’t say anything, clearly she knew it was coming. Joe nods. Nile holds Nicky’s hand instinctively.

Nicky swallows, looks out of the window and says 

“He should come home.”

Joe says 

“Are you sure beloved?”

“No, but he needs you all. And I can’t block that. And I could leave for a bit but I can’t be without you. So he’ll come home and maybe we can talk more.”

Quynh beams at him. 

“Excellent.”

Andy agrees with Joe that they will go and get him, given they were bonding before Quynh re-appeared. 

“Probably best not to tell him, he’ll work himself up before we get there.”

Nicky cocks his head at that, Booker, working himself up? He didn’t know that Booker did that. 

Andy and Joe set off the next day. Andy is reluctant to leave Quynh and keeps coming back to kiss her. Quynh finds this adorable and keeps calling 

“One more, just one more.”

Every time Andy gets to the car. 

Nicky is on edge all day. He fusses over Nile and Quynh. Then spends ages in the kitchen making some sort of stew that he tastes, swears, adds something else, tastes, swears and on and on. In the end Nile grabs a spoon, tastes it, declares it delicious, drags him to the sofa and makes him watch Pixar films with her and Quynh. Nicky lays down with his head in Nile’s lap and his feet on Quynh’s. Quynh loves animation, she claps with delight at Monsters Inc. 

Nicky slowly relaxes as Nile rubs his shoulder and cards her fingers through his hair and after he’s drifted off she catches Quynh’s eye.

“You are very good for him. I am glad you joined us.”

Nile smiles and Quynh continues

“They are our boys. Both of them but he was so wounded when we met him. He still is but Yusuf has healed him a great deal. But you, he seems complete with you and Yusuf. He always wanted a child, didn’t you pet?”

Nile looks down and sees Nicky is wide awake now. He’s looking at her with wonder and chewing his lip nervously. She feels him starting to tense up and she smiles at him

“Alright Papâ. You’re the one telling Andy she’s a grandmother though.”

Nicky looks as though he can’t quite believe that she hasn’t pushed him away. He wipes his eyes and then goes to wipe his nose with his sleeve.

Nile yells at him, Quynh tickles him and Nicky positively beams at them both.

The sound of a car fills the living room as its lights rake across the window. Nile runs out to meet them as Andy barges in and collapses onto the sofa to kiss Quynh. 

Nile and Joe are doing some sort of “happy dance” in the drive but managing to look effortlessly cool, somehow.

Nicky stands in the middle of the room not sure what to do. Booker walks in and stops when he sees him. They stare at each other.

Nicky starts to panic slightly- trying to think of something, anything to say.

Booker appears to be doing the same. He sniffs the air and says 

“Chicken Chasseur?”

Nicky tries to smile, honestly he does and pushes a bit of hair behind his ear

“You seem to like it, so I thought it would be nice. I’ve not made it in a while though so it’s probably not very good. Nile said it tasted good but I don’t know if she’s had it before so I...”

Nicky looks up and Booker is crying

“Nicky I’m so, so sorry”

And no, Nicky can’t leave him like this so he crosses to Sebastien and hugs him saying 

“Welcome home brother, welcome home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And- that’s it. I have an epilogue planned for the whole series but this portion is done. 
> 
> Like a month ago I’d never actually had the guts to post anything and then TOG happened and here we are.
> 
> To anybody still reading thank you. 
> 
> To everyone who has left kudos or a lovely comment you have really cheered me up. 
> 
> Keep safe lovelies.

**Author's Note:**

> The support for Home is... was incredible and I hope some of you enjoy this too.


End file.
